


Blue Man

by starrynightfantasies



Series: In Clone Love and War [7]
Category: Loki laufeyson - Fandom
Genre: Brothers, F/M, Frost Loki - Freeform, In clone love and war, Loki's Clones - Freeform, Part of In Clone Love and War, Read it first or you won't understand, Therapy, seriously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-09 05:34:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17400983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrynightfantasies/pseuds/starrynightfantasies
Summary: Frost, one of Loki's seven clones, has been hiding in the garage for months. He hasn't wanted to come out for fear of frightening others. Loki and April manage to find a therapist who is willing to come and talk with him, but the therapy sessions may not last long...





	1. Chapter 1

I didn’t know how long I had been living in the garage. It felt like a short time compared to all of the memories swarming around inside my head. I remembered fighting battles, attempting a hostile takeover of a planet, being sentenced to life in prison, meeting my soulmate...but as I looked down at my own arm, I didn’t remember being  _ blue _ . Loki- the other Loki- had said he’d created me. I still wasn’t certain what that meant. I only knew that I wished he hadn’t. He already had six of us. Why did he need one more? And why was I the only one who looked like  _ this? _ Like a monster? He said the others would understand, but it took a miracle to make me leave my self-inflicted incarceration. 

When Loki came in one  evening and explained how he had finally told April that I existed, I didn’t really know how to feel. To be quite honest, I had hoped she would never find out. I had hoped I would simply cease to exist down there in my hiding spot. I thought it would be easier than facing anyone on the outside. I was, of course, completely wrong. 

Soon after Loki’s admission, April tip-toed down the stairs to greet me. She was so kind. It was then that I realized Loki was telling the truth when he said she had been through the same thing with him. When she said she wanted me to join them upstairs, I actually  _ almost _ believed her. Although a part of me still thought she really only wanted Loki to stop sneaking down there to make sure I was alright. He had spent hours upon hours keeping me company. I suspect-- no, I  _ know _ he felt guilty because I came out the way I did. After all, he knows exactly how I feel. 

It wasn’t long before April had one of the spare bedrooms made up just for me. She was so thoughtful, she’d even removed all the mirrors from the dressers, placing them face-down against the walls. She told me I could put them back when I was ready. I didn’t think I would ever be ready, but again I was wrong. The sweater and jeans I wore belonged to Loki. The truth was, I never felt chilled because of my Jotun heritage, but I still didn’t want to actually see myself. At least if I covered my arms and legs, and I didn’t look in any mirrors, the only part of me that glared angrily back at me when I drew up the courage to look was my hands. They were quite horrifying, and I wasn’t ready to see anything else. 

 

“Loki--” 

April spoke softly when she addressed me, and I knew it was because she didn’t want to frighten me. She didn’t realize that I wasn’t afraid of her. I was afraid  _ I _ would frighten  _ her _ . Who wouldn’t be terrified at the sight of me? Although the other Loki- the  _ real _ Loki- had shown me his natural form several times, even staying that way for hours at a time to make me more comfortable, I still had trouble believing she wouldn’t be scared of  _ me _ . 

 

I looked up at her, hoping my eyes weren’t too bright. 

 

“We’re having dinner here tonight. With your brothers and their girlfriends. I would love it if you’d join us,” she smiled kindly, “I even have someone coming to visit just for you.” 

 

My panic must have shown on my face because April rushed toward me, holding out her hands in supplication. 

 

“Please don’t be upset. She’s… a therapist. She said she would like to help your brothers too. Some of them have had a tough time adjusting. She’s really sweet.” 

 

I could already picture the whole thing in my mind. Girl arrives. Girl is ready to help. Girl sees terrifying monster. Girl runs from house never to be seen again. Blue Loki lives in garage forever. 

I sighed loudly and let my head fall into my hands. 

 

A few hours later, there was a gentle knock at my new bedroom door. Not knowing what to do, I reacted just as I had in the garage. I hid. Scurrying into the corner, I drew myself into a ball next to the end of the bed and stayed as quiet as I could manage. Once again, I wasn’t scared. Well, I  _ was _ . I was afraid of how people would react to seeing me. What would I do if they saw me and thought I was as ghastly as I did? How would it feel when people confirmed my worst suspicions; that I was unlovable? 

 

“Loki? It’s okay. It’s just me,” I heard April whisper. 

 

I could hear the sounds of laughter coming from the living area, and I knew something was happening out there, but she was telling the truth. No one was with her. Slowly, I crawled out from my hiding spot. 

Seeing the sadness and pity on her face was almost worse than seeing fear. Almost. 

 

“Oh Loki. Sweetheart, you don’t have to hide from me. I’m not afraid of you. I...love the way you look. You should know that already.” 

 

I could feel my face turning purple at her words. My mind was filled with pictures of life that seemed like my own, even though I knew better. Memories that belonged to  _ him _ . One of those memories was of how April had reacted to seeing him in his natural form for the first time. Let’s just say she  _ really _ liked it. To be quite honest, I tried hard not to think about it because I knew April wasn’t mine, but it was difficult not to relive those moments as if they belonged to me from time to time.  _ He _ would do the same if he were in my place. 

 

“I know,” I said, trying not to blush darker. 

 

She kneeled down beside me, taking my hand and I tried not to flinch. She acted as though she didn’t notice. 

 

“Loki, Catalina is here. She really wants to meet you. She---had an idea that I think you’ll like.” 

 

I didn’t want to just tell April  _ no _ , but the thought of some sweet girl coming in here with  _ me _ was quite possibly the single most horrifying thing I could imagine. I didn’t say anything. I simply waited for her to finish. 

 

“She said that if you would allow her to meet you, she would wear a blindfold until you feel more comfortable with her. I told her that you were afraid of frightening her, Loki.” 

She squeezed my hand, and I tried to stop myself from enjoying it. The warmth of her touch was so lovely. 

 

“You won’t hurt her. I  _ know _ you. I know you better than you realize,” she whispered.

April smiled and reached up to touch my cheek, and I found myself agreeing to meet the woman. I felt like I’d been hoodwinked, and I absolutely had. 

 

“Cat, you can come in now…” 

I blinked as my heart rate skyrocketed. Every instinct I had was telling me to  _ run _ , to  _ hide _ , but I forced myself to stay put. When my vision cleared, I saw April and Loki helping this  _ Cat _ get safely inside my room. I couldn’t see her eyes, but that didn’t matter. I already knew that she was absolutely  _ beautiful _ . 

 

“Loki, this is Catalina. We call her Cat.” 

 

I couldn’t seem to speak for a moment. I was afraid my voice might betray my appearance and she would  _ know _ that I looked like a terrible beast. I wanted to at  _ least _ talk to her before she left. 

 

“H-- Hello, Cat. It’s lovely to meet you…”

  
  


_ To be continued... _


	2. Chapter 2

April smiled at me, and I knew that _she knew_ what I was thinking- that Cat was the single most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on. My cheeks turned purple once again, and I looked down at my lap in a feeble attempt to hide them.

“Well, let us know if you need anything, alright?” April said, gently touching Cat’s shoulder to let her know she and Loki were leaving the room.

“Okay. We’ll be just fine, won’t we Loki?”

Me, Loki? Or _him_ , Loki? I… Dear gods, I was so nervous around this woman.

“Yes, of course. We will be… fine,” I managed to blurt out at the last moment.

For a few seconds, we sat in total silence. I wanted to speak, but I couldn’t seem to find anything to say. It was difficult looking at her and knowing that she would probably leave the second she saw my eyes. I couldn’t blame her. She was so tiny and delicate, and I was so…

“So you’re called ‘Loki’ too?”

“Yes, we all are. I mean, I know the others have nicknames, but I haven’t learned what they are yet.”

I sounded like a prize fool. It wouldn’t matter that she couldn’t _see_ me. She would leave due to unmanageable boredom soon.

“What would you like to be called? I’d be happy to call you ‘Loki,’ but if you have something else in mind, I can go with that too.”

She smiled, and I suddenly wished I could see her eyes. I imagined they were the kind of eyes I would see in my dreams, but could never actually picture them when I needed to the most. The kind of eyes that made you forget who you were for a moment and just _be_.

“I… well, no one has given me any other name,” I muttered.

“That’s alright. You have a very nice voice, Loki. I want you to know that I’m not afraid of you. I know you won’t hurt me. But I’ll keep this on,” she gestured to the blindfold, “as long as you need me to.”

Suddenly, she reached out her hand, and I knew she wanted to touch mine. My mind warred with my instincts, making me pull back at first. I knew she would feel how cold I was. She would notice how different we were from each other, and she would be startled. But… her touch would feel _so nice_. Warm and soft.

“It’s okay… I won’t hurt you either, you know.”

She smiled again, and I found myself slowly reaching out to her. Our fingers touched, and I watched as her forehead crinkled slightly behind the blindfold.

“I’m sorry...I know I’m quite cold, darling.”

The term was out of my mouth before I could stop it, and I bit my lip, blushing and closing my eyes, hoping she wasn’t offended. Seconds later, I felt her hand grasp my own; heard her giggle just a little, and I felt my heart seize up in my chest.

“Don’t apologize. You can’t help your body temperature. Besides, it doesn’t bother me at all,” she smiled.

“Now, what would you like to talk about?”

“I--- where are you from, Cat?”

I didn’t particularly want to talk about myself or the fact that I had spent the last few months living all alone in the garage.

“New York. But I like to travel, and I’m used to being all over the place.”

New York. Great. So, not only was I a pariah, but I was the clone of the guy who tried to destroy her city.

“Do you, ah...do you live in the city?”

I was glad she couldn’t see my expression because I suddenly felt like I should be behind bars even though I literally had _nothing_ to do with the attack that happened umpteen years ago.

She smiled again.

“Before we even start, I want you to know that I don’t hold any of that against him...Loki, I mean. I was there, but my family and I were not affected. And I certainly don’t hold _you_ accountable for it either. It’s all in the past, and unless you want to talk about it, it’s completely irrelevant.”

I sighed, silently thanking the Norns for finally giving me _something_.

“I...appreciate that. More than you know,” I whispered.

Cat told me all about her time in New York; about how she had graduated with a degree in Psychology, completed an internship, and landed a job at the office where she worked. She told me how she loved the way it felt when she helped someone _live_ . I began to wonder what kind of life _she_ wanted. And it wasn’t long before I really wanted to see her eyes. The problem was, I didn’t want her to see _mine_.

“Loki, why do you think people will be afraid of you? I can tell by the way you speak that you’re a gentle soul.”

I sighed.

“If you saw me, you’d understand. No one will give me a chance to speak, Cat. They’ll take one look at me and run away, terrified.”

She squeezed my hand gently, and I felt all of my resolve pool into the carpet beneath me.

“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that? I promise I won’t run away.”

I kept my eyes closed as she slowly pulled the blindfold off. I didn’t want to shock her with my bright red irises just yet. I heard her suck in a breath, but it didn’t sound like she was afraid. It sounded...different.

“You’re--- really handsome. You can open your eyes. I’m not going anywhere,” I could hear the smile in her voice, but my heart was still beating wildly.

“My eyes…” I muttered. I couldn’t find the right words to make her understand.

“Let me see,” she said, reaching up to touch my wrists. She didn’t pull at them, but merely touched them. I liked that. I felt like I was still in control, even though this woman could probably make me do anything she wanted just by asking nicely.

I opened my eyes slowly and tried to focus only on what _I_ could see.

Her eyes were even more lovely than I had imagined. Deep brown with tiny flecks of gold around her pupils, framed by thick lush eyelashes. She was looking at me with the tiniest hint of a smile on her face, and I couldn’t imagine why.  


“Loki, your eyes… they’re breathtaking.”

She leaned closer, and I fought the urge to back away. Nodding as if she knew exactly how I felt, she squeezed my hands and inspected my face a bit closer.

“May I ask… what are those markings?”

For a moment, I thought she was going to touch one of them, and I didn’t know how I would handle it. They’re incredibly sensitive- in a _good_ way, and I certainly didn’t want to embarrass myself by moaning aloud.

“They’re heritage lines. Every Jotun family has them, and they are different for each blood line.”

Once again, I wanted to cover myself. I felt so _exposed_ , as if I were standing naked in front of a television crew. But Cat somehow made me feel less vulnerable. She made _me_ feel safe.

A bit later, it sounded as though more people had arrived in the main room, and I asked Cat if she was hungry. Surely after driving from New York, she would be starved. Although the thought of leaving my bedroom was abhorrent, I was more than willing to let her out of my little hideaway so she could meet my brothers and socialize over some good food.

“Loki, you should come out and meet them. They know exactly how you feel, you know. Plus, it would be good for you to get out for a little while,” she whispered, squeezing my hands in that hypnotic way that she had perfected.

I shook my head.

“ _They_ may understand, but I would hate for them to end up chasing their lovely girlfriends down the street because of me.”

She nodded, but I could see that she didn’t agree with me. Perhaps that was some kind of therapy magic? Her solemn but clearly false nod almost made me see how silly my mental image really was.

“Maybe you’d go for a walk with me? I saw that Loki and April have a wonderful backyard, and it’s fenced in so no one could possibly see us.”

I couldn’t turn her down, of course. Her voice had been hard enough to ignore, but those _eyes_ made me utterly helpless. I didn’t know whether she was a great therapist or if I was swiftly falling in love with her.

 

No. _No no no._ That was...not acceptable.

 

_To be continued..._


	3. Chapter 3

Cat was right. The backyard was quite peaceful, and I had never seen the sun through these eyes. As it turned out, seeing something first hand was far more inspiring than seeing it through someone else’s memories. 

Cat was staring at me; looking at my face as if she expected me to bolt away at any moment, but I was feeling alright at the moment. 

“What do you think?” She asked, breaking the silence. 

It was late Autumn, so there weren’t a lot of birds or other chattering animals out, and the temperature was bearable, even for me. 

I reached out to take her hand, squeezing it gently. I had grown fond of the way it felt in my grasp; soft and warm and impossibly tiny.  When I looked up at her, I noticed the subtlest flush spread across her cheeks, and I couldn’t help but smile. 

“It’s lovely,” I whispered, blushing purple. I wasn’t talking about the backyard. 

 

It wasn’t long before Cat convinced me to go inside and  _ just say hi to everyone _ . Those were her words. She made it sound  _ so easy _ . 

“I’ll be with you the whole time, Loki,” she promised, hypnotizing me with her gorgeous brown eyes. 

 

April was ecstatic to have us inside with everyone else. She and Loki were cooking pasta for dinner, and keeping a close eye on the door for my brothers and their girlfriends. I tried not to let my anxiety show, so I went searching for Thor- the cat- who’d spent a lot of time with me in the garage. Cat followed me throughout the house, commenting on several photographs that Loki and April had hanging in the hallways until her curiosity got the best of her. 

“Loki, what are you searching for? Or… are you just avoiding people? I mean, it’s okay if you are.”

I smiled sheepishly. I  _ was _ , but I didn’t want her to know. 

“I’m looking for Meowlnir. The cat. I haven’t seen him in a few hours.” 

Her face lit up, and she started giggling. 

“ _ Meowlnir? _ ” 

I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face. She was just so beautiful. 

 

_ No. No. No. No. _

 

“Um… well, his real name is Thor, but April calls him Meowlnir after--”

“Thor’s hammer,” she finished, still giggling. 

“I have a kitten,” she said, smiling as if she’d just let out a huge secret. 

I stopped looking for Thor and turned to look at her. If she had a kitten, who was looking after it while she was here? 

“Who is taking care of it? You can’t leave them all alone!” 

My face must have shown my panic because Cat reached out her hand and rubbed my shoulder gently. 

“Shhh it’s okay. I brought him with me! Would you like to meet him?” 

 

 

I sat at the table and waited patiently while Cat went to her room to fetch the kitten. In the meantime, one of my brothers whom everyone calls  _ Lecherous _ and his girlfriend, Natalia talked with me. I watched in fascination as he turned himself Jotun in order to make me feel better. Evidently, neither he nor Natalia knew he could do such a thing because later in the evening, he was a female. I’m quite sure they had an interesting night after leaving the party. The mere thought made me blush furiously. 

When Cat returned, she walked over to me and opened her hands to reveal a tiny orange and white striped kitten. My heart nearly stopped. He was absolutely  _ precious _ . 

“What’s his name?” I asked Cat before leaning down to ask him the very same question in an embarrassingly small baby-like voice. 

“ _ What’s your name?” _   I cooed. 

Cat smiled. 

“Well, I haven’t given him a name yet. You see, I just got him, and I haven’t been able to figure out what to name him.” 

“ _ Ollie _ ,” I heard a small but fairly masculine voice say. 

“What?” 

I looked around for the source of the sound, but there was no one standing near- except Cat and her  _ cat _ . 

“ _ I said Ollie _ ,  _ blue man.” _

I must have been looking at the kitten as if he had grown a second head because Cat was staring at me with concern. 

“Loki? Are you alright?” 

I  _ really _ didn’t know how to tell her that her kitten was talking to me, but I couldn’t very well allow her to name him something different, could I?

“Erm… well, I--- I can hear him,” I muttered.

She gave me a blank stare, and I knew I would have to elaborate. I sighed. 

“Your kitten. He’s… talking to me. He says his name is Ollie. And he called me  _ blue man _ .” 

Her face was an amusing mix of disbelief and amazement at first. Then, she started to giggle, and I couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Wait. He  _ called _ you that?” 

I nodded. 

“And he calls himself Ollie? That’s kinda perfect…” 

She looked down at him, making the kind of face that a mother makes at a naughty child. 

“But you really shouldn’t call  _ him _ that! How  _ rude _ .” 

He laughed. It was an odd mewling sound to everyone else, but to me, it was raucous laughter. 

“ _ Pet me, blue man.” _

“May I?” I held my hands out to Cat, and she gently placed Ollie in my care. He was soft and fuzzy, and incredibly warm. I wanted to rub my face on his fur, but I decided that might look odd, so I settled on petting his head. 

_ “Ears, please _ .  _ You like my mama, don’t you?” _

My hands wavered and I almost dropped him. 

“Norns, Ollie!” 

“ _ I knew it. I see the way you look at her. Mama and blue man sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g… _ ”

I tried to ignore him, but my face was turning a deeper shade of purple by the second, and Cat was watching us with the most curious expression. 

“He’s purring! He likes you, Loki!” 

Evidently, she didn’t notice how mortified I was at that moment. 

“Do you know where I could find some cat food? I’m sure he’s hungry, and it looks like you two will get along just fine while I hunt up some food and get his bowl out of my suitcase.” 

I explained that the food was in the cabinet in the kitchen, and Cat left Ollie and me sitting at the kitchen table. 

 

_ “I’ve seen her naked, you know. I could show you.” _

  
  
  


 

_ To be continued... _


End file.
